But Puck Doesn't Cry
by TingedAutumn
Summary: How do you explain to your children how to deal with their mommy's death when you can't even do it yourself? PuckxQuinn future fic.


She said she had a cold.

One little cold. That was it. Sneezing, sniffles, coughing and hacking, it was allergy season, all the dust around here, same old song and dance she played every autumn. She would always smile at him and say, in that teasing voice of hers, _Don't be so worried. No one ever died of a cold_.

Well, maybe she was right. But then again, Quinn didn't die of a cold.

He found her lying on the floor, her blond hair spilling across the red carpet, her eyes wide and glassy, and no matter how loud Puck yelled and screamed, she wouldn't wake up. Beth and James were at school and Puck had come home early from work to surprise his wife when he found her and all he can think of, as he grips the cold metal railing on the portable bed in the ambulance with all his strength, is _I can't live without you._

She's pronounced dead on arrival.

A weak immune system, and a sudden heart attack. That's what the Doctor tells him. Puck doesn't believe it for a second; she was 25 years old, for God's sake. Who the fuck dies of a heart attack at 25? But he has bigger things to worry about.

She looks so peaceful. She looks like she's asleep. She looks like an angel.

Rachel, fresh from her honeymoon in the Bahamas', bursts into the hospital room a mere half hour after Puck arrives, demanding to know what's going on, and when she spots Quinn on the bed, she chokes on a sob. But Puck doesn't cry.

Finn picks the kids up from school, holding in his tears and telling them their daddy has something really important to tell them, and that mommy … but he can't finish that sentence. He hugs Puck, hard, trying to convey all the emotions men are supposed to keep bottled up but feel anyway. Then he pulls his wife aside so Puck can tell his children they don't have a mommy anymore.

But Puck doesn't cry.

At the funeral, her mother sobs, inconsolable, and everyone from Glee shows up. Kurt is holding onto Blaine's hand like a life raft, and his other is gently rubbing Mercedes arm, who is shaking in her grief. Mr. Schue claps his hand on Puck's shoulder and tells him, gently, that at least she died peacefully, that she died loving him. And it gets worse, because Glee sings her favourite hymn, Amazing Grace, and it's the start of a life-long hatred of that song for him.

But still, he doesn't cry.

Two weeks later, he's trying to get Beth to take a bath and James to go to bed, and neither of them are cooperating; James in particular keeps saying, in a voice rising higher and higher in his agitation, "But why isn't _mommy_tucking me in?"

"Mommy isn't here anymore." Puck says through gritted teeth, struggling to keep Beth sitting still, since she's kicking and working her way into a tantrum.

"But _why_?"

"Because she went to heaven!"

"But wh-"

"BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!"

It comes out as a shout so loud, the glass in the windows must be shaking. Beth finally escapes her father's grasp and scuttles over to her brother; they're both white and shaking, but Puck doesn't notice. It's like a wave has slammed into him, leaving his breathless and bruised, but it doesn't stop, it's not stopping, it's never going to stop, because Quinn is gone, because Quinn is dead, because he's never going to see her laugh or smile or eat or tease or take care of her children with that ease he envied her for. He's never going to make love to her, he's never going to be able to surprise her with a gift as simple as a rose, he's never going to hear her sing and he's never going to hear her say _I love you_.

He's not aware of doing it until a moment later, but Puck has sunk to his knees, sobbing, clutching the rim of the bath with all his might, feeling that horrible loss of control and that pain slam into him again. Beth and James don't move or say a word as they see their father break down, but clutch each other tightly. It's only a few moments later when Puck get's himself under control, and he looks up to see his two children trembling, their faces glistening with tears. Another stab into his heart. He never wanted to hurt them.

He holds out his arms to them and they don't hesitate for a moment; they run into his embrace and he holds them tightly, squeezing his eyes shut so that the tears don't leak out. They stay like that for a moment, and then James pulls away, looking at his father solemnly. Beth might have inherited Quinn's blond looks, but it's James who is identical to Puck, right down to the deep brown eyes. He puts his tiny hands over Puck's heart.

"Daddy. Don't cry. That's the sound that makes the angels cry."


End file.
